and another

nothing because it's late you!

Didn't expect to be writing anything this evening, but this is still on my reading list so good evening.

Looking back on the last post it is appropriate to mention that I finished Breaking Bad and also finished The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy. Both heartbreaking. 

TRotN was the 7th Hardy novel I've read and finished on the four hour plane journey on holiday. Thinking ahead I had my 8th Hardy in hand, not thinking ahead I finished it within three days. Two on a Tower wasn't simple by any means but shorter and given the fact there was nothing on holiday to do but read, it is a given to finish yet another masterpiece. 

Another four days on holiday without a physical book? Technology, you babe. iBooks offered a free Penguin Classic in the form of The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. No, not on the 9th Hardy yet. Not comprehending the size of the novel, Dumas has astounded me. But because of its hefty size I'd feel awful recommending it to anyone unless they had a thing for French authors and adventure in sublime amounts. So goes the sentences of "just read this chapter". I think I just have a taste for satisfying novels, writing that fulfils you. You can't read a modern novel and say its filled your imagination and given you any experience.

Could you imagine what will happen when I finish The Count? It's the same size as Les Mis.

French writers huh.

So, I'll stop writing in the dark now and try post something more detailed tomorrow or soon.

Goodnight

x

obsessing & obligation

little obsessed by this

What happened to February? That post went astray and now we're coming through to March for a catch up.

I finished Jude the Obscure and found it to be majorly appropriate for Hardy's last novel. There were a surprising amount of times where I sympathised with both Jude & Sue as they are obviously similar, being what I would call soul mates. Later in the book I discovered a dialogue that utterly describes part of my own character provoking an immediate connection with their individual and yet intertwining situations. It was a masterpiece.

Moving on to my next Hardy novel, which is also the last one I own before getting another *strikes down mug on floor* ANOTHER! Return of the Native has a stereotypically Hardy storyline where the love of an idyllic situation strikes but tragically goes wrong. Only because the synopsis provides basically the whole storyline, but Penguin always leave out major plot twists and turns that creates that Hardy satisfaction. However with even more unusual names such as Eustacia & Clym. You can instantly see the difference in writing against Jude because it is documented that Hardy struggled to finish Jude, whereas the writing flows better in my new adventure. Not to say that Jude isn't written beautifully, but it is his most modern piece and clearly wasn't necessary to include vast scenic paragraphs. For any preferred modern reader Jude the Obscure is best to start with because there is more dialogue than any other. 

Here. Oh aren't you spoiled.

On to another update: I'm starting to get healthy. Not that my tonsillitis will never return, not in that sense. But I invested in a protein formula from Protein World called The Slender Blend. Banana is delicious and it genuinely helps to improve your sore muscles after a work out beyond supplying you with whey protein. Combine that with a few exercise apps and I've worked myself into getting a natural high of endorphins and healthy motivation. Good start. My third new addition is Breaking Bad. That's finally happening. Mid-season 2 and still addicted. It's a show you can see progressing its characters and pushing you into a love/hate relationship. Good on you Netflix. 

More updates to come, especially in April where there should be more to talk about regarding non-lonesome adventures. The above listed are great things that make me happy but it would be nice to write of laughing with friends again. 

Till the next chapter, have a nice day (namaste) x

cowardly lion

this or anything from the album is ear porn

Two days off. One spent on decorating and reorganising. One on organising even more. Oh man. iCloud is a great invention but I didn't organise my iPhoto or iTunes enough to enjoy that feature. So everything being done now I can finally write a little.

I would never describe myself as scared, afraid, cowardly etc. But I said I would audition for drama schools in 2015 for entry in 2016 (if I were to get accepted anywhere on my first try) and have now found a wall. I've started preparing to learn many many monologues for choice and now I just need a date to work towards, so the sooner the better. Forcing yourself to prepare is one thing but that preparation needs to lead somewhere at least so you can move forward. The wall is the application process. I find it odd that drama schools could trust me to turn up to an audition with prepared monologues ready for them and I'd be like the thousands of others. It's like being an certified adult, not a teenager anymore. An adult and people listen to you more and you can be responsible for so much more. People believe you. It's an act ironically. But yeah, umm I'm finding it hard to bring myself to the point where I could move forward and unsure why.

I've been to auditions before, but they were all with a text provided for you to learn and perform so it's a bit different. The general "being judged" isn't an issue for me anymore. I mean, it isn't fun but it would never persuade me to try anything else just yet. 

It may be that I am possibly too lazy to do the leg work. Auditions for drama schools require you to really prove what kind of actor you want to be and in most cases, five minutes of proving that without fault. From what I understand it starts with what type of theatre you want to go into. I would like classic and comedy (all types). As I've never performed things like Shakespeare, only seen it once live and I love to make people laugh. Even black comedy like Waiting For Godot, if I were male. So I need to find female 20ish monologues that fit that. One being classic and the other modern. Not only to learn but read, grasp and practically live the play to prove your worth. Prove you are a true fan. I'll be honest and say I prefer novels because plays are meant to be seen, although I find myself with very little experience of seeing plays live and only seeing book adaptations of films. Whoops. It's also very hard having no one around that can help you with finding the right piece, it could go wrong. But I'm not stressing myself out about it, either way I will go with what I feel most confident with because that's truly where I can crash and burn. 

Maybe it's like setting a date will make it real. Yes. Italics for dramatic effect. God Save the Queen, I'm a little afraid. Which, being a Leo, does not make sense. Of course I'm one of those who likes to believe in astrological signs. Not that the stars have anything to do with it or planetary alignment, but the attributes of being born at different times of the year. I associate with a lot of the typical Leo qualities. So deal with that. 

Right, I will check out all the places I want to audition for and return. One sec...

I played with Gatsby for a bit, but turns out I have to spend an extra 40 pounds because my application is later than December 2014. Fuck. (First choice). One has to be via UCAS. Hello old friend. (Second choice). One is the 2nd March. Happy days. (Third ish choice). Theres one where the next audition day is 28th February. Umm.. Bit soon? (Good amateurs choice). One is three days away from being the deadline... Haven't checked this school out before so err another day? Another is four days away. My "being prepared" has turned to shit. So I may just take a leap of faith and wait for the trust. I thought "well you can apply and if you're really not ok then don't go" but that's a lot of money to drain. It's starting to look like some kind of façade that I want to go to drama school and learn but it's secretly a struggle to get going sometimes.

*Hours later* 

I haven't applied anywhere as of yet because not only do I need funds but I also want to guarantee every chance. I may have been involved in drama and musical theatre for eight years but that all stopped three years ago. There needs to be a slight change in my recent involvement as at the moment it is nil. 

Slight random quick post but good night x

Side note to myself: Apply to audition, experience a little and come back next year and be not only recognised (with a slight dedicated appearance) but even better. 

energy

nothing musical, all gaming pleasures

Why is it when you plan to get a LOT done during the day, you have no motivation? I won't say energy because I'm finally gaining that back because I've been ill for just over a week! With my weak point, my throat, the one and only tonsillitis. It sucks. You can't sing, eat very much including chocolate, you lose weight because of this therefore you feel frail and pathetic; overall crap. My mother was excellent as usual and made sure there were things in the house I could attempt to eat whenever hunger struck for five minutes. More importantly though she made a doctors appointment happen in this busy sick season and I got drugs. Hallelujah. For some reason the type I was given *reads packaging* Phenoxymethylpenicillin. Yum. Yeah for some odd reason (added adjective, enjoy) I got really clear and weird dreams. Which is kind of nice because it's entertainment whilst you endlessly rest. I've had them before but they took a while to kick in, not a good sign.

ANYWAY! Don't worry I won't babble (couldn't figure a better or bubblier word at that) about how it's 2015. That's the extent. I just wanted to share my day, I've got an increased surge of energy to do some things on my mac and here we are. Although my mind has just gone blank... I have done one thing today which was really needed which was to sort my car insurance and stuff like that out. When you're ill, you obviously leave everything to get better and the fact the year was ending meant kind of saying "leave it till next year". Ok so I mentioned the New Year thing again.

That's another thing! As I was too ill, I couldn't spend time with friends between Christmas and NY. You know that time where you've seen your family and you would like to share your fresh memories with friends and generally get merry over another years end. But it did inspire to organise so many things this year. Such as:

Trip to friends finishing University this year (Feb)

Trip to Wales (April)

Holiday away with friends (June/July)

Thats as early planning as I will go! Almost put my 21st on there however that's in August... It was more the holiday away I'd get super excited about selfishly. It may be we just go to somewhere like Amsterdam or maybe somewhere slightly hotter like Greece. Either way, it will get planned. Two years ago we went to Croyde and the year before that we went to Paris/Disneyland which is all well, they were great holidays away with friends. Just cold and very full on. It'd be nice to have a summer and relax together. We already use a lot of energy together so we should calm it down a bit, we're all getting older etc. 

I'll stop now, simply because I wanted to finish this and post it before I started searching for deals online. Hope that's ok. Nothing about Hardy today. Haven't been able to read for a little while. 

Soon my love x