insane obscurity

not tonight

So I've just had a very early day at work and have to do it again tomorrow, yet here I am about to fall asleep. But I feel the subject of the book I am currently enjoying should be discussed.

I've always read in during breaks at work, wherever I've worked because I find it's the best way to escape from your work mental state and relax. Sometimes I entirely forget I'm at work which has its pros and cons. Recently I started Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy and reading Hardy again is massively improving my mind and giving me more to think about overall. Just the name Hardy is intensely satisfying. There's nothing like having a favourite author. Hardy har har!

However, nearly all Hardy novels are tragedies. They're brilliantly detailed, the characters are so beautifully soulful and I personally can never guess the ending. It may have something to do with being from a entirely different time period as they're based in the Victorian era; therefore what may be a normal ending for me may be polar opposites in those times. For example, ending alone after being widowed would actually be marrying again for a status and less fallen angel lifestyle. Both tragic but worlds apart. I'd like to hope everyone would someday read something by Hardy but I will spoil what I have read so far anyway. Actually the back of the gorgeous black jacket Penguin Classic style gives away the majority of what I have read, bar one dead pig. Literally. 

A boy named Jude Fawley dreams and aspires to educate himself and move to a place not far from him called Christminster. A teacher he once knew moved their himself to further himself in society and he took inspiration and pretty much made him his idol. When the boy is nineteen he has his first encounter with a lady named Arabella, beautiful name but just wait. After their first encounter they decide to meet again and what Jude had hoped would only be a stroll turned into a 3 mile hike towards a fire (possible representation of his ultimate demise by Arabella). When they're walking home from the now in ashes fire, Jude receives his first kiss and they walk arms round waist together. Already considering this is Victorian, out of the five books I've read of Hardy this is some of the most descriptive physical contact he's ever given about a non-married couple. Amazing! When Jude drops Arabella home she complains "it will look silly if you just drop me home, come inside". Well inside her whole friggin family and some members of the community that see them walking in together; hinting at their courtship. There was even a point where her father says "courting" and Jude thinks that its a bit too early for that shit but just goes with it. Courtship in Victorian terms could mean an ultimate turn to marriage, which considering he wants to do more in life isn't on his list straight away. 

Immediately Arabella exclaims to her friends "I want him, I want him to have me" blah blah blah. Still A LOT for a Victorian writer Hardy! One of her more promiscuous friends I suppose basically suggests she do more than kiss him and entangle him into marrying her if he is a true man and marries someone instead of ditches them at those early signs. They do because she's a bit of a harlot, he is fooled and they're married. I may take this time to point out, you're told as a reader about the marriage in one sentence. Simple and sweet Hardy. 

But a couple of months in, he's spent pretty much anything he has earnt because he bought a n inn which he thought Arabella could run a little but she can't do shit. They buy and feed a what they can a pig to slaughter and sell but that is a horrific scene I never want to read again. I read it whilst at work and was asked whats wrong. Truly, Arabella tries to make him bleed out a pig and he has sympathy and doesn't do it the inhumane way. She's an absolute bitch. She explains to him that she is not knocked up, he's obviously shocked and she decided to randomly go back to her parents and move to Australia of all places.

As a side note, I believe their marriage will come back to haunt Jude. It nearly always does. As you see, its Victorian times and they don't actually divorce, they just pretend like the horrific marriage isn't real. 

----This is were I decided to sleep instead and read more today...----

He meets his cousin Sue Bridehead after a while and she declares that she's moving away. How great is this though, the reason she's having to move is because she bought some naked statues to hide in her room, demonstrating her "new woman" attitude. But her religious house keeper found out that they weren't saints, she destroys them. Jude clearly doesn't want her to leave, at this point Hardy even writes of how he is excessively attracted to her physically. SO he hunts down his old teacher/friend who is headmaster at the local school and asks if she could get a teaching position. As it turns out Sue has had experience in teaching. Coincidence? I think not. Today I read that the headmaster fellow is twenty years her senior and yet they seem to be getting close. Life is pretty shit for Jude...  

I will post this and read on because it is a great book and its only the first volume. There have been so many moments where I've stopped reading simply to reflect on the horrid circumstances Hardy drags his characters. He's St. Devil. My love for Hardy continues. The second cliffhanger from the last post will never be revealed. Ha! 

Good night x

please and thank you

I wish I knew how

One more day at work and my five days will be up! It's weird to think that I did more hours not only in the course of the week but during the day and yet can't handle it anymore. I am in Keep Calm & Carry On mode but 8 & 1/2 is now my limit, it used to be 11. Difficult differences when working in retail. The main reason for todays spontaneous post is because my best friend posted a video on YouTube that made me talk to myself a little more than usual because I related to it. Well done friend. So instead on keeping my reaction to myself or pretending that I will eventually do a video in reply, my method is replying via blog. So here goes, enjoy:

Costco Assistant Duties/My experiences with such duties

An assistant is required to pack for members when possible

Me: Good afternoon *makes quick eye contact and starts packing*

Member: Put that down there!

Me: *Stops packing and again makes eye contact* Please (delivered in deliberate tone)

Member: (Processing that staff can stand up for themselves) ...Please put that under there

Me: *Finishes packing*

Member: Thank you! Have a nice day! Thank you so much!

On another occasion:

One woman and two men are coming through the till

Me: *Starts packing*

Woman member: We're the women, we know how to pack and men don't. We're made for this kind of thing

Me: I don't agree with that *walks over and helps next member in line*

An assistant may be required to get a product from other areas of the store that the member forgot to get/did not realise was on offer

Costco is a large warehouse with various departments. The furthest from the tills is the bakery and produces bagels and muffins that are constantly on an offer of buy one get one free. So members do not realise and we have to power walk to get the desired product. This would be fine if it weren't for other members being in our way. Of course we don't mind dodging through their slow walks and dumped large trollies, they're leisurely taking their time shopping. Thats fine. But please do not stop someone who is in a rush so as to avoid a bitchy person who could complain "that took you a while" to ask some questions that if you really thought about it, you'd know what is best to do.

"When are you getting more in?" + "You can check at the till with a supervisor" 

= "Well thats not helpful"

"You used to do this product but I can't find it" + "We keep only a limit stock of certain products, but you can check at the till with a supervisor"

= "I haven't got time for that"

We haven't got time for your questions if our answers will never be enough. 

Just to make it clear: WE DO NOT HAVE A KNOWLEDGE OF EVERYTHING IN STORE! 

Its a big fucking warehouse of items that change position/quantity/price all the time. Its like living with dementia 

(please no one take offence).

An assistant may be required to help in other departments 

Do NOT send a vegetarian to serve meat.

These are only the main things that happen every day that could potentially lead to me getting removed because I simply won't stand for it. Ever. I understand members intentions occasionally, such as the welcoming "Excuse me, do you work here" because we don't wear uniforms, only giant name badges which admittedly some of us take off when around the store to avoid the above annoying idiots. This is a REALLY different kind of post for me on here however the video needed my response because it happens to anyone dealing with customers. Whats even worse is the only way to not be one of those people is to physically work against them, experiencing retail and not being one of those customers. 

However I have recently found two things to drift my mind into that instantly lightens my mood at work (I'll leave a cliffhanger on those for the next post) 

On that note, good night x

obscurity along with some resolve

this is also a fantastic video to watch

Last Thursday my head was boiling with a  headache yet my body was freezing. Along with my sensitive state I found my throat hurt more than usual. I pushed through an 8 1/2 hour shift and had to sort it out before the Friday. Turns out I had the flu and another round of tonsillitis which nearly kicked my ass to the curb. Resulting in medication every four hours with a silver lining of no work until it got better. It's been a week since I went to work, tomorrow will be the return to the holiday madness, it's been semi-decent time away. There is nothing like rest. 

With all that time off (when you're not sleeping) there is very little to do that could take next to zero energy. READING. I managed to finish The Yard during those days which although in a size 12 font did take a while to overcome. The story was not boring, in fact it was sometimes thrilling and the ending was three scenes simultaneously solving crime. The difference between this and I guess a classic thriller novel is that you are firstly put into the perspective of  the murderer. Grecian actually signifies this through starting chapters in an italic font throughout the novel to clarify. It isn't necessarily written in first person but is seen through their eyes and gives opinions that could only come from a psycho. Possibly half way through you're given the name of the murderer as well. Secondly Grecian has provided readers with an insight of how the techniques on finding a killer have developed. Such as finger prints and corpse analysis. Clearly someone did their research. The ending is only good purely for those few fast paced scenes and a general opening for a sequel. Although their is the Epilogue which almost ruins my opinion of the novel in general because it is too "oh and lets through this in because we can!"

This did mean replacing the space in my bag reserved for books. I own a Waterstones points card because it can be helpful when you persevere with spending time in there instead of ordering over the internet. We all have that debate. Book shops can seem so premium though and I personally want to physically touch the book and read small sections before falling for it. Stop me when this gets inappropriate... Maybe a month ago I managed to spend only five pounds on two Penguin classic Thomas Hardy novels. All because I'd saved and saved for when I'd finished all my current Hardy novels and had them specially reserved. So as to not feel reader guilty for reading the same authour over and over again. I also had to ask if they had one in stock and place it away for me because there are the generic novels from each authour and then the less popularly sold. 

So after that I had pre decided that I would like to read Jude the Obscure over the holidays. I've only read one chapter as I've been spending time with two friends whom both live in Wales and are pretty much a couple of the best things on Earth. But all is still the same with Hardy, although this one will be based around a male character which may shift things a little. 

THE FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD TRAILER! Oh, how did I not start with that? (Yes two links in one post - evolution) Although I had to google and read over the plot again, even though I've read the book when you have read five incredible Hardy novels they mesh together and I'd lost the plot a little. Get it? Because theres a plot but its a saying for lost it? Ok... It looks very good, considering the last Hardy live action adaptation was possible Tess of the D'Urbervilles with Gemma Arteton. Very well done indeed. This include Carey Mulligan and Michael Sheen. Exciting stuff! Even with the new Star Wars trailer & Jurassic Park trailer I'm more excited to see some familiar characters other than Luke Skywalker of course. 

On that note I will stop writing, hadn't posted in a while and claimed this name for Tumblr and thought it best to keep up with it still. Good evening... No its afternoon but it is turning into evening because its freaking winter and the sun has apparently given up for today. 

Holy shit x

  

common tangles

(if you can, listen to Wildest Dreams from 1989)

So I was supposed to have work from 10:30-19:00 today but having developed tonsillitis over the past week I asked to go home after two hours. I'd never wanted to ask to go home although it was clearly the good & healthy thing to do; literally anything I would do with ease usually was an absolute struggle. It's one of the busiest days and I felt über guilty asking to leave but I felt greatly better as soon as I was comfy in bed and with my trusty jug of water. 

Anyway! I've been feeling kind of sad about my lack of friends around currently. Most of my close friends are at university and still haven't realised that when they go I'm alone. Even when it turns to summer, they have already made plans and it just feels very lonely all year round. I wait most of winter for a split second of life with them before they went away, but it never turns out the way I hope. I do have a couple of friends that aren't at university, but I don't see them because they're busy. But my point is that because I've been ill I suddenly said to myself "no one cares". Luckily I changed my perspective rapidly because I replied "but you know what, I have my family who cares a lot". Since I got home I've been made green tea, given pain killers and a special kind of numbing pill that is brilliant for when you have tonsillitis. It felt a little dark there for a second but my state of mind is never too far from the light. 

These posts have been slightly absent this week but they will come back. Apparently they always start with a sad subject but it comes back together eventually. The phrase "you can choose your friends but not your family" is working alright right now. I need to let go of a certain friend who's not the same and they will never believe how I can help them be a better them. It all comes from being alone sometimes, you get to know what you like, how to balance your state of mind and how to pick yourself up again if you lose it (without any assistance by anyone else) which is a great power to have. 

My battery has worn away from where I turned my mac on three days ago and left it on in the hopes I'd pick it up and publish a post. So good night, I'm switching this off x

a lot of nothing

say what!?

I was working from Wednesday till Monday for a maximum of six 1/2 hours each day. It's part time but as exhausting as a full time job because it's excessively physical. But now that it's over I had yesterday and today off to do whatever. 

As Christmas is lurking I bought my Secret Santa present ready to personalise and wrap. I'm so happy with it, I've gone over the limit of how much to spend but I do want a little something else. They will have something funny and something they can use daily. Plus we have to make a handmade thing which I haven't put a thought to yet till now. Among that little Christmas shop I bought some more products from Tanya Burr cosmetics and the first of many Zoella beauty products. Can't wait to try out the Fizz bars. But I also indulged and bought a jumper for myself that was greatly only five pounds. I recently bought a skirt, dress, a slinky top and some nice new brogues that all can't be worn at work but are lovely; so I thought the jumper is more appropriate and aesthetically pleasing. On a side note, I wore a t shirt that my brother got for free a few weeks ago (he got one for himself and for me because they're small and nice) which I usually wear to bed, but I wore out shopping without a bra. Genuinely the comfiest thing to do. It's black so it wasn't noticeable. 

In the evening yesterday, my friend and I went to dinner at Wild Wood which was amazing. The atmosphere, decorations let alone the food and drink were great. The service to, it's the best when the people in there are nice and friendly. My friend drove in their gorgeous Fiat 500 so I again indulged and ordered a Sea Breeze to drink along with water. It contained vodka, cranberry and lime juice I believe which couldn't have been sweetly satisfactory. Another selling point for me in a restaurant such as Wild Wood is their cocktail list... Obviously. But I was recommended by our helpful waiter the cherry bell pepper & spring vegetable risotto which was perfect. My friend and I may have ordered a three course filling meal but it was worth stuffing your insides for.  

Speaking of food, I was just a little saddened today as mama bought some rock road bars from the bakery and I took a bite without even thinking of the marshmallows on top. Bad vegetarian! On the plus side I managed to avoid doing testers at work, they had pulled pork sandwiches for members to try, I just stated that I'm a vegetarian and they felt really bad about even asking. It's nice that they understand that it wouldn't make sense and would completely go against my morals.

Since Monday I've been listening to 1989 any chance I get, there's no music at the top because really I would like to hope anyone would listen to any of the songs on the album. 

My left arm is now being used as a pillow for Gatsby...

For now, I struggle slowly to write: good afternoon x

boys & boys & girls & girls

Welcome!

Evenin'. I've been listening to Taylor Swift's two songs that the UK is allowed to listen to before/after work so that's why you're welcomed. There is a lyric in the song that is "you can want who you want" and thought it was beautiful. Not sure if the boys & girls part is supposed to open up a particular conversation but that just may be my individual take. Also, it's funny how Swift can create a completely new sound and yet we still recognise it and adorn are ears to the music.

Having work early this morning meant finishing early, although I didn't come straight here. A notepad was thrust upon me to write down a wish list (how coincidental) for Christmas. Apparently this weekend is one of the busiest for Christmas shopping as it's the second to last pay day till the 25th and everyone has settled on a Halloween costume. This I'm afraid is enough of the Christmas talk.

Prior to resting with some green tea and writing these words I went... Shopping. Kind of. It was 16:40 and most places are filled with emptiness as everything closes at 17:30. I bought the "essentials" that I talked of maybe yesterday or the day before because it was pay day. On a more focused topic the aesthetics chosen were leaning towards the 70s. Which as I've been informed is in fashion; once upon a time I paid attention. Scanning the internet over some 70s inspiration, most things seem like a haze of orange. Autumn invites those warm colours and moods so it all fits perfectly in my mind to have that 70s feel to clothing. Although I cannot go to New York currently to present the 70s thing going on at the moment, London is my preferred.

It's just a little update and I repeat with an adjective, good evenin' x (p.s. I thought I published this hours ago)

London Love

The Yard, not Scotland

you'll see why in a moment

Another earlier post because it's another late night. It also turns out I'm working six days in a row, although it's not all day like a full time job I focus on how much rest I will need for the upcoming working days. So really even with some free time hours, I can do very little. But that is impossible to avoid currently! Working that is. So focusing on the positive: I am reading a modern book for the second time in a row. Progress is sweet. It's not a problem to read classic books only, but they take a little longer to get through because their content is crazy fulfilling. But it is always good to vary the mind set. So with green tea/water at my side, I continue:

The Yard by Alex Grecian. Admittedly this is another Penguin however I spotted it two years ago whilst working and literally judged it by the cover. I was very obsessed with the Victorian era at one time and still fascinates me but I no longer need to cover it as I'm out of college. The back also starts "One year on from Jack the Ripper" which I know very little of but even so could grapple anyones mind. I'd really like to know more about the Ripper but there is always time for non-fiction. I've never really read a crime fiction that was aimed for adult readers, previously I'd read some American Girl mysteries but I was twelve. So far this is a gentle read, I guess slowly building up. Grecian is actually an American writer and has so far given examples to Victorian life in advance. From first year at college I knew a lot of details regarding the era and all of them have re-appeared in the first 12 or so chapters. This either means that the writer is presenting as much gritty detail of the time, in facts, to provoke the reality or, has discovered all these things and just has an excuse to expel them to the reader. It does sound slightly obnoxious to say I already knew this, but it is good to read about the cruel children mining in a perspective of a character. A few details as to the murderer are given but I'm sure Grecian hasn't revealed the character just yet. Although there are a few paragraphs and even a chapter dedicated to the murderers perspective, written in first person and pointed out by the account and the fact it's in italics (a technique a modern writer can get away with). But still no real evidence, I'll keep this updated if anything truly exciting happens or perhaps I might finish it.

   

I've just finished You're the One that I Want by Giovanna Fletcher. A few months ago I finished Billy & Me by the same author in one day, just pointing out how easy reading is found in modern writing. So I thought why not read the next one? Another! (I haven't smashed a glass, don't worry) The book was written in two perspectives of the main characters Maddy and Ben. I wasn't too pleased with the book in overall simply because the story follows them going through school and university and just generally I didn't like the story as much as Billy & Me, but it's still an easy and lovely read. There is a sequel to Billy & Me coming out which I'll go ahead and read when it's out.

I've spent way too long writing this post as distractions keep occurring. More water is needed and even more productivity before work is needed. 

Day 2/6 begins at 15:30 today 

*inserts game face*

I'm watching Mary Poppins is why and by gosh when "Mary 'olds yur 'and ya feel so grand!"

Enjoy the grand afternoon x

Cary Grant & I

trees seem to be the thing

This is a little earlier than usual because I have work till 21:30 this evening. Ew. But green tea at the ready for energy! I tried a cranberry and raspberry one this morning and wow it was tart and delicious. But also water because of course you need that, an essential. So Cary Grant? What in the world do I mean? Well, I just did one of those silly quizzes that cropped up on Facebook titled: "Who was your past lover" or something along those lines and I after honestly answering six or so questions received the answer. Cary Grant. Not bad that. 

"Wasn't he gay?" Apparently not, or so I can scan the internet to dissolve. But who knows anyway, or cares. Tis a silly quiz but it was someone I knew from film and loved and thought (like many) what a silver fox. Charade is one of my all time favourite films, it's difficult to decipher which films involving Audrey Hepburn are the preferred in my personal perspective but this one was interesting. There is a nice filmography that I've been streaming through. Just burnt my mouth with green tea; fantastic. To Catch a Thief is also a great Grant film which also include Grace Kelly this is on Netflix as well. See, with dashing men there are leading ladies that catch the same attention for me.

More interestingly was one of the questions. What era do you prefer? 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s. I actually chose the 20s because that new age was the first I thought would be dazzling to experience love and life in. With a slight chance of my answer being F. Scott Fitzgerald, but I suppose he had Zelda. Just on a side note, Cary Grant was married five times. So, although I was able to pick an era without much hesitation at all, how is it not tempting to pick all six? I suppose starting in the 20s you would hopefully live throughout all of them. But I did have a spark of thought beginning with the eras and what horrors they bring. Although there was the prohibition in the 20s, there were apparently ways around that and that all seems fun. The horror is in the racism and sexism which I figure all these era inhabited. They all have their pros and all had their cons, but I am happy to live in todays society. Which although has its faults we seem to be working through them just as equally as we did then so, this whole "Who was your past lover" actually makes you point out the future perspective. Let's just say it was a lot more thought provoking then originally intended when I answered the questions. 

On that note, I still need to let my tea cool down. Only an hour till work and this is 1/5 working days. Not so part time, but still I say good afternoon x

exponential wish lister

as this is new and nice

Of course this will be a better post than yesterday. Not in a "I'm making progress in writing day to day" but it has the promise of not being as long. I may or may not have a blanket wrapped around me right now because it's so freaking cold! Not enough hot drinks could subdue this windy day, although stocking up on tea today was a good idea. I do love me some green tea. 

Prior to writing the following I was window shopping virtually. I hope a lot of people do this, but you kind of glaze through your wardrobe and see not only nice things, possibly a good variety, you also find gaps. Not in the clothes (moths aren't my worry) but the different items that you'd like to add. One being a blanket that passes as a scarf, inspired by Burberry, because this current situation is ridiculously cosy. I won't monogram it even though that would be awesome. A nice stamp of "this is mine, look my initials!" Who doesn't love that? 

I also mentioned previously being a Leo, I found some pumps in Topshop that have a nice lion on them. Flat shoes are an essential right? I seem to have used my nicer ones at work once and they got horrid pretty quickly unfortunately. As well as some fake kind of brogues I've had for a time. I call them my orphan London boy shoes because they genuinely look like Oliver could wear them. Too non-fancy for Dodger in my opinion/imagination. So those would kind of help keep my feet warm as the invention of socks would work well together with brogues. How very British. 

I don't usually talk this much about clothes etc but this is just current. But more on topic, I have come to the ongoing consideration of being a wish lister. It's very rare to fulfil anything from the list unless greatly small. But there are levels of wishes that I'd like to address, they are as follows: 

Imagining a life in London

Creating an almost realistic perspective of one/some tattoos

How to progress into the industry I lust after

Future and ambitious career moves

Physical appearance aesthetics

Boooooooooooks

May have just got a little distracted with food and YouTube just then, but I still return to post. Not to "my post" this isn't a war... Yet. So basically, I seem to be a bit of a dreamer. But luckily it doesn't extend to just dreams, there are a lot of situations where these are a reality. I am ambitious and patient which is a reasonably wicked combination. Suddenly the above list fuels my imagination further into creating more of a reality because obviously, it being my exponential wish list, they all sound magic. Some things from my list will one day be ticked off and replaced with equally adventurous lines. 

Till the 'morrow! Good night x 

Two years later...

I'd like to think this inspires me, it might you

As of late I have thought and almost determined to blog again. Even though in the last two years I haven't, even purchasing my beautiful Mac with the capability of writing and with enough time to do so; it is only now I write. For many reasons I'm sure of but for now it is to exercise my thoughts currently. I have had four blogs and none have made it past a couple of months I guess, I had forgotten about this one and this as it turns out is probably my favourite. What I haven't forgotten is my "themes of the week". They crop up, these thoughts once a day most likely, that inspire my mind to reel off my per-spec-tive (what a coincidence) on the subject. It varies in genre but defiantly streams. So with that and the re-discovering of this little thing, I write. 

Theme of the Week: Omniscient haters

I semi-recently had a discussion with a friend of mine. Although one could persuade it to be classed as an argument, I would defy that statement because I would never want to start an argument that was not needed. Make sense..? In a nutshell (I love that phrase) my friend was being very distant in many aspects that it caused me to notice. On a side note, I am not the only one in our group of friends that would agree with me but it is only fair and right to use "I think" and "I feel" etc.; I can only speak for me. Its easier to start at why I felt they were distant. A while ago (no specific time frame because I can't remember those details) my friend fell into a relationship with someone new. We are a little older than college students so it wasn't someone we all knew, therefore I would have the pleasure of getting to know someone new who is now part of my friends life. Not only did I meet them, I also got introduced to their housemate who has very similar interest to mine. It was a slight set-up on my friends behalf because we (on paper) matched well. My friend, their boyfriend and I had only hung out a few times, one occasion of which they met two other friends in the group which is great. Although alcohol was involved so its difficult to distinguish their knowledge of that meeting. A little while down the line, things between me and the boyfriends housemate did not match as well as hoped, we are friends if not arguably just distant friends now. 

Possibly two occasions where I had been in the same room with my friend and his boyfriend, things seemed a little off. Just a general lack of conversation/acknowledgement. I didn't mind too much at this point. For a few months I hadn't seen my friend, heard from them unless in a comment on social media, but particularly hadn't felt as though I knew them any more or that they knew me. To the point where my once close friend asked me something personal and I had the immediate response of "that's none of your business". It wasn't a welcome comment from my mind. But to make things worse, I said something along the lines of "it doesn't matter" (classic change of subject now please reply) and they went on to ask a closer friend of mine to find out. Not a happy bunny that particular occasion. 

This is a pretty long story but it has a point I promise! Again a little further in time, a party in fact. My friend, his boyfriend and funnily enough the housemate had been invited along with others in the group for a birthday celebration. I won't go into detail because it doesn't need any more than this: the boyfriend was being very silent around me. This is possibly the best way to put it right now. They just didn't say hello or anything towards me. Not even turn their back or look in my direction. This was something I was worried about prior to going to the party, but luckily there were others to talk to and we had a great night anyway. 

I consulted a close friend of mine of this whole account and they gave me perfect advice that I will pass on: Ask them plainly the question you wish the answer to. Plainly being the operative word, not because my friend would be slow but because I wanted to be clear. As said in the beginning I didn't want an argument just some further knowledge on the subject. I asked and they became fairly defensive on all the things I was saying I have felt for the past couple of months. The main thing to focus on here is that I asked why their boyfriend was being cold towards me. They told me simply that they thought I had been disrespectful of their housemate and didn't feel the need to treat me any differently. So, they on all accounts didn't like me and wanted nothing to do with me despite being their boyfriends friend. (I'm trying not to use names or even get fake names so sorry if this is confusing). To add to that, my friend said something along the lines of "I would like them to be nicer to you". It made me feel like they were just going to let it happen. Let their boyfriend treat me with disrespect to avoid an argument I would assume. 

I know many could say Shake it Off, but from when I don't see or hear from my once close friend to even when I'm having a bad day, that boyfriend plays on my mind making me feel they have been right. They enter my mind and I feel angry. I don't want to say hate and won't because they don't need a strong word. I won't see them probably or hopefully not again, even though they're my friends boyfriend because it wouldn't be nice for me to step out of who I am truly and become a hateful creature. I believe in astrological signs, I'm a Leo and I like fitting into that because the common attributes for me are true. I'm telling you this because one of them is sometimes that Leo's are arrogant. The boyfriend is also a Leo and is the worst kind I've ever met because of this attribute. It will forever be the strongest hateful word I will say against them, that they are arrogant and not in a good way (if there is one I guess). My omniscient hater won't need to play on my mind much longer, I think on this subject less every week which is progress. Writing this down has helped especially to keep the subject clear so that it becomes easier to understand. 

Look I didn't want to re-start my blog posts again on such a negative story but it was the first thing that came to mind on themes of the week, and this may help the subject to exit my mind even faster (selfish deed DONE). I can only apologise for this long winded post, but from two years of silence I hope it doesn't matter. Looking in the bigger picture I want to write less but often, especially as there are very little places to beam at Thomas Hardy. I've read five of his novels and more is to come on that subject. This was not a vent merely my theme. 

So until next time (most likely tomorrow) good night x