They can't see the hate that's in your head

 

There is no music.. Why? As my life has been taken over my Les Miserables. Watch it seriously! Too good...

 

Literally waiting for my cat Chewy to settle down.

 

And I had to move a chair so she wouldn't sit on the keyboard or in front of the screen. It's not like I'm actually writing anything of interest but still MOVE. Still haven't finished The Mayor of Casterbridge, but to be honest I've been either working, seeing my friends or will attempt in front of the fire and sleep. Happened twice now you get warm theres a cat what else is more comfortable?! I keep taking pauses to watch Les Mis again but I don't want to take ages writing rubbish.

 

Planning a christmas evening is fun, this is what I've been doing lateley, but it's too early to make the preperations. It's come to a point where I might just look online at reciepes and practise them to perfection. There's not major amounts to do but jeeeeeeee is it on my mind.

 

There...... Lost my train of thought because it was a good bit again. Ha literally about to say theres a lot of things on my mind at the moment. Mainly pay day which is reasonable but that's friiiiiiday? Yes friday. Something to look forward to getting/spending. My friends and I have sort of planned a trip to Southampton, there is an agenda but like my parents are unaware. Therefore they believe it is just a weekend away for fun. Somewhere new which it is.

 

Oh my last night I told my brother I would take him and his friend to Basingstoke no problem just as long as they tell me whether they needed a lift back. They were at a club which they described as "average" but never replied. So I went to bed of course I was freeeeeeeezing. But I got woken up by him calling me asking for a lift. It did not annoy me that he didn't text and say it was just THE BEST sleep ever. As you do I got out of bed, slightly dressed (charming disney joggers and jumper) and braced the freezing cold hour of three in the morning... It sounds silly but I do panic when trying to get to the car. It's only like ten seconds away from the door but suddenly you think "is someone watching me/going to murder me..." Silly but completley reasonable to me. I was soo cold I refused to listen to music in a strop and talked to myself with the heat on full blast. I was going down the dual carriage way literally one hand on the steering wheel because I thought I could alternate between my hands on the heat streaming out.

 

The other scary thing is when you get there and just waiting for them to get in the car. I lock the doors immediatley when getting in the car up till the point someone needs to get in. But you know drunk people around on a saturday evening which is scary. But I now have authority to ask if my brother for a late night lift...

 

 

Just listening to Les Mis you feel ever so slightly more cultivated and as Chewy is here is it sad to think I'm doing her a kindness? Don't really know if cats enjoy music but it can't be a bad thing... OH good song.. And Taylor Swift was on tv. Plus Downton Abbey tonight, I have like three shows to watch tomorrow. When I say "have" I mean "need" kind of. Tomorrow is new ANTM then Made in Chelsea then True Blood. But they've timed it beautifully so I can watch tv at 9pm then carry on etc.

 

 

I'm really awful at good stories or interesting things... Oh look on YouTube at Scottish Fold's made me smile all day above over things :) 

a blog of no importance

 

something of natural interest

 

 

Nothing of interest springs to mind lateley apart from the cruel autumn fever which has occured out of nowhere. But whatever, it'll pass... soon... right? Yeah I haven't been able to read much because one my eyes won't focus and just headaches and reading aren't two well put together. I managed to read two chapters today which means only seventeen to go till the end. Which is kind of sad but then I can just continue..

 

 

 

(Theres illistrations that are really beautiful if you want to invest in the Penguin Classics side of life)

 

So it's 'The Mayor of Casterbridge' by Thomas Hardy, incredibly horrible as it's a very obvious tradegy. Nearly every time there's something good lately in the book or something happens which could be good for a character Hardy just decided to go "no just joking it's all going wrong again". EXAMPLE!: Basically the Mayor named Michael Henchard eventually said to a women named Lucetta that he wants her as his wife, seen as though his first love and wife just died and he did say before he knew she was still alive, and she said yes because she felt basically bad. Then BAM! What I literally thought was a seperate novel when Hardy started to write about a bull gone loose Henchard saved Lucetta's life and then she explains "I umm already married Farfrae (his competitor and was his friend)" WHAT?!

 

That was a very poor description but literally why? That's just mean. No idea what's going to happen next. When I started the book I thought of what the story would plan out to be, like I think some people do and it's just completley a different but of course in a good way.

 

But onto another subject I have a full time job! Which means money and spending it... I will admit clothes are my number one but also christmas shopping will be soo good this year. You know when you see something someone would love but it's just always out of price range, I'm planning to ignore the price this time. But beyond that theres going to london and going to london means musicals and plays and yay! Honestly I was a bit eager in watching Les Miserables online but it has not in ANY way toiled the idea of going to see it live because ergh the music is just... It always gets something that manipulates me. 

 

Before I continue with the plan I should explain what happened with The Woman in Black. No I didn't see her.. It sounded like it for a second there but no this is no horror story (yet). I saw the stage show when at GCSE so that's like year nine or ten then I watched the film and then read the book. Which is technically what I wanted to do with Les Miserables. Now hopefully will be able to see the stage show (at whatever cost) before the film comes out but thats 11th Janurary I believe... There was the plan to read the Victor Hugo's masterpiece but umm its rather large. When I couldn't get back into reading I read online that you need to pick a book that's not going to irritate you which maybe it wouldn't but the number one rule is to finish the book at in whatever time. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to finish it. So it might ruin it. Maybe eventually I will invest and read it but this is the official and probably classified statement that I umm won't be reading it after the film like The Women in Black.. .scheme I guess.

 

 

Yes I did use a lot of "I"'s in this certain post, and yeah that was an Oscar Wilde related title. I'm still ill but someone has been texting me to get happy so umm I'm happy.. Also my cats have been keeping me company. 

idealism and realism

 

some tunes

 

 

I had a dream last night about, something. I don't actually remember the majority but normally you don't remember anything but small clips. This particular clip was horrible. I was running towards a door in a hospital, what I can only think of as 'The Exit', but as soon as I reached it a dawning feeling came over my dreaming head everything slowed down. It was the fear of being institusionalised as Red from Shaweshank Redemption would say. Don't ask me why, no idea whatsoever but that was the dream. But that leads in to the thought of the half-week I'd say,

 

 

Theme of the week: Idyllic realities

 

 

Everyone at some point imagines the idealistic reality they would like to appear but sometimes if not most it turns out to just be plain old reality. There's not a lot to say on the subject when asking whether people with more idealism then realistic thoughts are the prefered, if that made any sense. But there is the question of what part of our minds makes the decisions to hope for the best? It's quiete obvious to say that when something is about to happen you imagine the good reality and only eventually do you fear the worst. An example might help: I'm really in to English Literature and after re-taking the first year exam at college I achieved a B. However this lead my stupid idealistic mind to believe it could easily achieve the same thing. This did not happen and I'm not planning the re-take. But it was only a month or so after I'd taken the last ever Literature exam that the thought of reality sprung out of nowhere. Still with me? Basically we get easily distracted and very disappointed because of our idealistic minds.

 

If you have read Jane Austen's Sense & Sensibility then Marianne is practically the character that springs to mind. But if you haven't Marianne is basically the Sensibility part, she will allow her emotions and her imagination to lead her thoughts and actions without cause for reality. This is much the point to F. Scott Fitzgerald's Jay Gatsby in The Great Gatsby if you have read that. They both mantain what's known as the Romantic stereotype. Please google it it's a very beautiful idea that people can convey themselves as truley Romantic. Also look up John Clare on it if you're really that bored/interested.

 

As warned I go on and on, so yeah the end result of this thought is to shove earphones in and day dream again. I'd totally forgotten what idealistic values I did have when in the learning days so it's kind of come back and I'm allowing thetic emotions back through reading again! Yes reading, is something I used to do and have retured to as one of my friends might phrase it. But this is rather a long post so next time I might brag how amazing this mystery book is and what it's doing to my life...

 

Au Revoir!

 



 



a little inlightenment

Here's a little music, if you wish.

 

Hello or Bonjour either way. I'm new to writing anything really except essays and although there's hardly anyone reading this it's a bit of something new. The main reason to starting something this weird idea is my friend, as this certain person continues their blog because of her interest in photography. I'm pretty rubbish behind a camera so this is not like that, but I have other interests so this is mainly just thoughts of the week and the common areas of a poorly aspiring writer (books, films etc.) It's not to everyones particular interest to listen to losers but sorry it's not really for you, or at least for now it's not. In some strange way it might try to recover my sane mind and not become insane because at the moment every thought is bottled like a bursting champagne bottle, crap imagery there but I can try.

 

Theme of the week: Careers and basically the future

 

It's not just this week but ergh it's everywhere at the moment. Even though I'm eighteen it's still like asking when I was ten "what do you want to do?" Anything? Everything! But no, that's just not going to happen. I've mentioned this to a few of my friends, it feels as though people started some kind of race and finished without even telling me it's started. Most of our group have gone to different parts of England to University. They are studying both things that interest them and the subject which can conclude with a job they might actually want. Which is great, who wouldn't want that? Some people may not actually need a degree to do what they choose. In fact one of my friends wants to be a theatre technician of some kind and has succeded lately in I suppose "getting her foot in the door". It's astounding that my friends have planned and ultimatley focused on what they need to do, to which they are succeeding. But that's where the awkward one comes in. Me. Hello! Basically I'm both lazy and difficult resulting in no entry to University to do something and at the moment unemployment (technically my own fault because I quit-- I'm so lazy).

 

This thought of the week just results in me sitting down most likely with a cat and discussing (important fact: I'm a loser who talks to my cats) what the plan is. The plan so far is to look into University. At first it was just English Literature BA Hons but after little research I have learnt you can combine etc. Recently I would like some kind of Drama/Acting course because you should do what you love doing, which is that exactly. So I found loads of courses which do this which I need to apply to UCAS and try to convince people I'm worth the effort even with my lazy grades from A Level (BDD). Plus I have to get a job to be able to do anything. Car - Needs petrol - Need money for that. Go out with beautiful friends - Need money for that as well. My palm slaps my forehead and I sigh a giant breath of "I need to sort this out".

 

I do ramble, this blog will include lots about my lovely cats (all three of them), this is mainly for my sanity and for my general interests which either way if you decided to read I will apologise. It's just the way life's going at the moment. Sorry x