(if you can, listen to Wildest Dreams from 1989)
So I was supposed to have work from 10:30-19:00 today but having developed tonsillitis over the past week I asked to go home after two hours. I'd never wanted to ask to go home although it was clearly the good & healthy thing to do; literally anything I would do with ease usually was an absolute struggle. It's one of the busiest days and I felt über guilty asking to leave but I felt greatly better as soon as I was comfy in bed and with my trusty jug of water.
Anyway! I've been feeling kind of sad about my lack of friends around currently. Most of my close friends are at university and still haven't realised that when they go I'm alone. Even when it turns to summer, they have already made plans and it just feels very lonely all year round. I wait most of winter for a split second of life with them before they went away, but it never turns out the way I hope. I do have a couple of friends that aren't at university, but I don't see them because they're busy. But my point is that because I've been ill I suddenly said to myself "no one cares". Luckily I changed my perspective rapidly because I replied "but you know what, I have my family who cares a lot". Since I got home I've been made green tea, given pain killers and a special kind of numbing pill that is brilliant for when you have tonsillitis. It felt a little dark there for a second but my state of mind is never too far from the light.
These posts have been slightly absent this week but they will come back. Apparently they always start with a sad subject but it comes back together eventually. The phrase "you can choose your friends but not your family" is working alright right now. I need to let go of a certain friend who's not the same and they will never believe how I can help them be a better them. It all comes from being alone sometimes, you get to know what you like, how to balance your state of mind and how to pick yourself up again if you lose it (without any assistance by anyone else) which is a great power to have.
My battery has worn away from where I turned my mac on three days ago and left it on in the hopes I'd pick it up and publish a post. So good night, I'm switching this off x
