I'd like to think this inspires me, it might you
Theme of the Week: Omniscient haters
I semi-recently had a discussion with a friend of mine. Although one could persuade it to be classed as an argument, I would defy that statement because I would never want to start an argument that was not needed. Make sense..? In a nutshell (I love that phrase) my friend was being very distant in many aspects that it caused me to notice. On a side note, I am not the only one in our group of friends that would agree with me but it is only fair and right to use "I think" and "I feel" etc.; I can only speak for me. Its easier to start at why I felt they were distant. A while ago (no specific time frame because I can't remember those details) my friend fell into a relationship with someone new. We are a little older than college students so it wasn't someone we all knew, therefore I would have the pleasure of getting to know someone new who is now part of my friends life. Not only did I meet them, I also got introduced to their housemate who has very similar interest to mine. It was a slight set-up on my friends behalf because we (on paper) matched well. My friend, their boyfriend and I had only hung out a few times, one occasion of which they met two other friends in the group which is great. Although alcohol was involved so its difficult to distinguish their knowledge of that meeting. A little while down the line, things between me and the boyfriends housemate did not match as well as hoped, we are friends if not arguably just distant friends now.
Possibly two occasions where I had been in the same room with my friend and his boyfriend, things seemed a little off. Just a general lack of conversation/acknowledgement. I didn't mind too much at this point. For a few months I hadn't seen my friend, heard from them unless in a comment on social media, but particularly hadn't felt as though I knew them any more or that they knew me. To the point where my once close friend asked me something personal and I had the immediate response of "that's none of your business". It wasn't a welcome comment from my mind. But to make things worse, I said something along the lines of "it doesn't matter" (classic change of subject now please reply) and they went on to ask a closer friend of mine to find out. Not a happy bunny that particular occasion.
This is a pretty long story but it has a point I promise! Again a little further in time, a party in fact. My friend, his boyfriend and funnily enough the housemate had been invited along with others in the group for a birthday celebration. I won't go into detail because it doesn't need any more than this: the boyfriend was being very silent around me. This is possibly the best way to put it right now. They just didn't say hello or anything towards me. Not even turn their back or look in my direction. This was something I was worried about prior to going to the party, but luckily there were others to talk to and we had a great night anyway.
I consulted a close friend of mine of this whole account and they gave me perfect advice that I will pass on: Ask them plainly the question you wish the answer to. Plainly being the operative word, not because my friend would be slow but because I wanted to be clear. As said in the beginning I didn't want an argument just some further knowledge on the subject. I asked and they became fairly defensive on all the things I was saying I have felt for the past couple of months. The main thing to focus on here is that I asked why their boyfriend was being cold towards me. They told me simply that they thought I had been disrespectful of their housemate and didn't feel the need to treat me any differently. So, they on all accounts didn't like me and wanted nothing to do with me despite being their boyfriends friend. (I'm trying not to use names or even get fake names so sorry if this is confusing). To add to that, my friend said something along the lines of "I would like them to be nicer to you". It made me feel like they were just going to let it happen. Let their boyfriend treat me with disrespect to avoid an argument I would assume.
I know many could say Shake it Off, but from when I don't see or hear from my once close friend to even when I'm having a bad day, that boyfriend plays on my mind making me feel they have been right. They enter my mind and I feel angry. I don't want to say hate and won't because they don't need a strong word. I won't see them probably or hopefully not again, even though they're my friends boyfriend because it wouldn't be nice for me to step out of who I am truly and become a hateful creature. I believe in astrological signs, I'm a Leo and I like fitting into that because the common attributes for me are true. I'm telling you this because one of them is sometimes that Leo's are arrogant. The boyfriend is also a Leo and is the worst kind I've ever met because of this attribute. It will forever be the strongest hateful word I will say against them, that they are arrogant and not in a good way (if there is one I guess). My omniscient hater won't need to play on my mind much longer, I think on this subject less every week which is progress. Writing this down has helped especially to keep the subject clear so that it becomes easier to understand.
Look I didn't want to re-start my blog posts again on such a negative story but it was the first thing that came to mind on themes of the week, and this may help the subject to exit my mind even faster (selfish deed DONE). I can only apologise for this long winded post, but from two years of silence I hope it doesn't matter. Looking in the bigger picture I want to write less but often, especially as there are very little places to beam at Thomas Hardy. I've read five of his novels and more is to come on that subject. This was not a vent merely my theme.
So until next time (most likely tomorrow) good night x
No comments:
Post a Comment