a long while

Little Miss Sunshine

It is actually rather sunny outside and this film is extraordinary. Very low budget, early days of Steve Carrell, family orientated film. Considering I've been watching Gone Girl, Mad Max and Django Unchained this is light hearted.

Back to the fact that I haven't posted in so long, I forget I possess such internet powers. Slight times do I pick up this sleek Mac and do anything with it unless for internet banking and finance matters which stress the world. It is today to update my CV and send it other places to get out of retail. I will note that anyone in retail understands the ins and outs of being a better human in society (funny even the word 'society' makes me feel like I'm in college again... Drilled in excellency). 2 years in August I will be a costco employee to which my automatic response is "na thnx m8". Albeit Costco provides great things though partially immoral for an almost 2 year veggie.

Updates are that I am what I call a book away from finishing The Count of Monte Cristo. I say a book because the last chapters are the size of a regular... Ok the size of a small Thomas Hardy book. It's immaculate but I am looking forward to carrying around a lighter book. The story unravels with a page maybe every couple of days so I may triple to effort to find the ending which in my fantasy will satisfy me more than a créme brûlée. I really would like to read another Hardy after this and continue that journey, given that I have two or three ready and waiting on the shelf against the other cracked spine stories. However, maybe something modern could suffice and I'll remember that it won't always take near to a year to finish a book. 

Gym efforts are succeeding. Q1: How often do you go? A: I book a class everyday based around work and my social life and only if I definitely cannot do all then the class is cancelled via the impressive app. Q2: How much? A: 16.99 a month, two hours free parking, personal training (which I haven't asked for yet) is extra. Bonus question: Why? A: Fit.

Done. Call the Midwife is the newest addiction and am struggling after Netflix provided the first three series to be completed. 

Effort.

Laters x

and another

nothing because it's late you!

Didn't expect to be writing anything this evening, but this is still on my reading list so good evening.

Looking back on the last post it is appropriate to mention that I finished Breaking Bad and also finished The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy. Both heartbreaking. 

TRotN was the 7th Hardy novel I've read and finished on the four hour plane journey on holiday. Thinking ahead I had my 8th Hardy in hand, not thinking ahead I finished it within three days. Two on a Tower wasn't simple by any means but shorter and given the fact there was nothing on holiday to do but read, it is a given to finish yet another masterpiece. 

Another four days on holiday without a physical book? Technology, you babe. iBooks offered a free Penguin Classic in the form of The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. No, not on the 9th Hardy yet. Not comprehending the size of the novel, Dumas has astounded me. But because of its hefty size I'd feel awful recommending it to anyone unless they had a thing for French authors and adventure in sublime amounts. So goes the sentences of "just read this chapter". I think I just have a taste for satisfying novels, writing that fulfils you. You can't read a modern novel and say its filled your imagination and given you any experience.

Could you imagine what will happen when I finish The Count? It's the same size as Les Mis.

French writers huh.

So, I'll stop writing in the dark now and try post something more detailed tomorrow or soon.

Goodnight

x

obsessing & obligation

little obsessed by this

What happened to February? That post went astray and now we're coming through to March for a catch up.

I finished Jude the Obscure and found it to be majorly appropriate for Hardy's last novel. There were a surprising amount of times where I sympathised with both Jude & Sue as they are obviously similar, being what I would call soul mates. Later in the book I discovered a dialogue that utterly describes part of my own character provoking an immediate connection with their individual and yet intertwining situations. It was a masterpiece.

Moving on to my next Hardy novel, which is also the last one I own before getting another *strikes down mug on floor* ANOTHER! Return of the Native has a stereotypically Hardy storyline where the love of an idyllic situation strikes but tragically goes wrong. Only because the synopsis provides basically the whole storyline, but Penguin always leave out major plot twists and turns that creates that Hardy satisfaction. However with even more unusual names such as Eustacia & Clym. You can instantly see the difference in writing against Jude because it is documented that Hardy struggled to finish Jude, whereas the writing flows better in my new adventure. Not to say that Jude isn't written beautifully, but it is his most modern piece and clearly wasn't necessary to include vast scenic paragraphs. For any preferred modern reader Jude the Obscure is best to start with because there is more dialogue than any other. 

Here. Oh aren't you spoiled.

On to another update: I'm starting to get healthy. Not that my tonsillitis will never return, not in that sense. But I invested in a protein formula from Protein World called The Slender Blend. Banana is delicious and it genuinely helps to improve your sore muscles after a work out beyond supplying you with whey protein. Combine that with a few exercise apps and I've worked myself into getting a natural high of endorphins and healthy motivation. Good start. My third new addition is Breaking Bad. That's finally happening. Mid-season 2 and still addicted. It's a show you can see progressing its characters and pushing you into a love/hate relationship. Good on you Netflix. 

More updates to come, especially in April where there should be more to talk about regarding non-lonesome adventures. The above listed are great things that make me happy but it would be nice to write of laughing with friends again. 

Till the next chapter, have a nice day (namaste) x

cowardly lion

this or anything from the album is ear porn

Two days off. One spent on decorating and reorganising. One on organising even more. Oh man. iCloud is a great invention but I didn't organise my iPhoto or iTunes enough to enjoy that feature. So everything being done now I can finally write a little.

I would never describe myself as scared, afraid, cowardly etc. But I said I would audition for drama schools in 2015 for entry in 2016 (if I were to get accepted anywhere on my first try) and have now found a wall. I've started preparing to learn many many monologues for choice and now I just need a date to work towards, so the sooner the better. Forcing yourself to prepare is one thing but that preparation needs to lead somewhere at least so you can move forward. The wall is the application process. I find it odd that drama schools could trust me to turn up to an audition with prepared monologues ready for them and I'd be like the thousands of others. It's like being an certified adult, not a teenager anymore. An adult and people listen to you more and you can be responsible for so much more. People believe you. It's an act ironically. But yeah, umm I'm finding it hard to bring myself to the point where I could move forward and unsure why.

I've been to auditions before, but they were all with a text provided for you to learn and perform so it's a bit different. The general "being judged" isn't an issue for me anymore. I mean, it isn't fun but it would never persuade me to try anything else just yet. 

It may be that I am possibly too lazy to do the leg work. Auditions for drama schools require you to really prove what kind of actor you want to be and in most cases, five minutes of proving that without fault. From what I understand it starts with what type of theatre you want to go into. I would like classic and comedy (all types). As I've never performed things like Shakespeare, only seen it once live and I love to make people laugh. Even black comedy like Waiting For Godot, if I were male. So I need to find female 20ish monologues that fit that. One being classic and the other modern. Not only to learn but read, grasp and practically live the play to prove your worth. Prove you are a true fan. I'll be honest and say I prefer novels because plays are meant to be seen, although I find myself with very little experience of seeing plays live and only seeing book adaptations of films. Whoops. It's also very hard having no one around that can help you with finding the right piece, it could go wrong. But I'm not stressing myself out about it, either way I will go with what I feel most confident with because that's truly where I can crash and burn. 

Maybe it's like setting a date will make it real. Yes. Italics for dramatic effect. God Save the Queen, I'm a little afraid. Which, being a Leo, does not make sense. Of course I'm one of those who likes to believe in astrological signs. Not that the stars have anything to do with it or planetary alignment, but the attributes of being born at different times of the year. I associate with a lot of the typical Leo qualities. So deal with that. 

Right, I will check out all the places I want to audition for and return. One sec...

I played with Gatsby for a bit, but turns out I have to spend an extra 40 pounds because my application is later than December 2014. Fuck. (First choice). One has to be via UCAS. Hello old friend. (Second choice). One is the 2nd March. Happy days. (Third ish choice). Theres one where the next audition day is 28th February. Umm.. Bit soon? (Good amateurs choice). One is three days away from being the deadline... Haven't checked this school out before so err another day? Another is four days away. My "being prepared" has turned to shit. So I may just take a leap of faith and wait for the trust. I thought "well you can apply and if you're really not ok then don't go" but that's a lot of money to drain. It's starting to look like some kind of façade that I want to go to drama school and learn but it's secretly a struggle to get going sometimes.

*Hours later* 

I haven't applied anywhere as of yet because not only do I need funds but I also want to guarantee every chance. I may have been involved in drama and musical theatre for eight years but that all stopped three years ago. There needs to be a slight change in my recent involvement as at the moment it is nil. 

Slight random quick post but good night x

Side note to myself: Apply to audition, experience a little and come back next year and be not only recognised (with a slight dedicated appearance) but even better. 

energy

nothing musical, all gaming pleasures

Why is it when you plan to get a LOT done during the day, you have no motivation? I won't say energy because I'm finally gaining that back because I've been ill for just over a week! With my weak point, my throat, the one and only tonsillitis. It sucks. You can't sing, eat very much including chocolate, you lose weight because of this therefore you feel frail and pathetic; overall crap. My mother was excellent as usual and made sure there were things in the house I could attempt to eat whenever hunger struck for five minutes. More importantly though she made a doctors appointment happen in this busy sick season and I got drugs. Hallelujah. For some reason the type I was given *reads packaging* Phenoxymethylpenicillin. Yum. Yeah for some odd reason (added adjective, enjoy) I got really clear and weird dreams. Which is kind of nice because it's entertainment whilst you endlessly rest. I've had them before but they took a while to kick in, not a good sign.

ANYWAY! Don't worry I won't babble (couldn't figure a better or bubblier word at that) about how it's 2015. That's the extent. I just wanted to share my day, I've got an increased surge of energy to do some things on my mac and here we are. Although my mind has just gone blank... I have done one thing today which was really needed which was to sort my car insurance and stuff like that out. When you're ill, you obviously leave everything to get better and the fact the year was ending meant kind of saying "leave it till next year". Ok so I mentioned the New Year thing again.

That's another thing! As I was too ill, I couldn't spend time with friends between Christmas and NY. You know that time where you've seen your family and you would like to share your fresh memories with friends and generally get merry over another years end. But it did inspire to organise so many things this year. Such as:

Trip to friends finishing University this year (Feb)

Trip to Wales (April)

Holiday away with friends (June/July)

Thats as early planning as I will go! Almost put my 21st on there however that's in August... It was more the holiday away I'd get super excited about selfishly. It may be we just go to somewhere like Amsterdam or maybe somewhere slightly hotter like Greece. Either way, it will get planned. Two years ago we went to Croyde and the year before that we went to Paris/Disneyland which is all well, they were great holidays away with friends. Just cold and very full on. It'd be nice to have a summer and relax together. We already use a lot of energy together so we should calm it down a bit, we're all getting older etc. 

I'll stop now, simply because I wanted to finish this and post it before I started searching for deals online. Hope that's ok. Nothing about Hardy today. Haven't been able to read for a little while. 

Soon my love x

insane obscurity

not tonight

So I've just had a very early day at work and have to do it again tomorrow, yet here I am about to fall asleep. But I feel the subject of the book I am currently enjoying should be discussed.

I've always read in during breaks at work, wherever I've worked because I find it's the best way to escape from your work mental state and relax. Sometimes I entirely forget I'm at work which has its pros and cons. Recently I started Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy and reading Hardy again is massively improving my mind and giving me more to think about overall. Just the name Hardy is intensely satisfying. There's nothing like having a favourite author. Hardy har har!

However, nearly all Hardy novels are tragedies. They're brilliantly detailed, the characters are so beautifully soulful and I personally can never guess the ending. It may have something to do with being from a entirely different time period as they're based in the Victorian era; therefore what may be a normal ending for me may be polar opposites in those times. For example, ending alone after being widowed would actually be marrying again for a status and less fallen angel lifestyle. Both tragic but worlds apart. I'd like to hope everyone would someday read something by Hardy but I will spoil what I have read so far anyway. Actually the back of the gorgeous black jacket Penguin Classic style gives away the majority of what I have read, bar one dead pig. Literally. 

A boy named Jude Fawley dreams and aspires to educate himself and move to a place not far from him called Christminster. A teacher he once knew moved their himself to further himself in society and he took inspiration and pretty much made him his idol. When the boy is nineteen he has his first encounter with a lady named Arabella, beautiful name but just wait. After their first encounter they decide to meet again and what Jude had hoped would only be a stroll turned into a 3 mile hike towards a fire (possible representation of his ultimate demise by Arabella). When they're walking home from the now in ashes fire, Jude receives his first kiss and they walk arms round waist together. Already considering this is Victorian, out of the five books I've read of Hardy this is some of the most descriptive physical contact he's ever given about a non-married couple. Amazing! When Jude drops Arabella home she complains "it will look silly if you just drop me home, come inside". Well inside her whole friggin family and some members of the community that see them walking in together; hinting at their courtship. There was even a point where her father says "courting" and Jude thinks that its a bit too early for that shit but just goes with it. Courtship in Victorian terms could mean an ultimate turn to marriage, which considering he wants to do more in life isn't on his list straight away. 

Immediately Arabella exclaims to her friends "I want him, I want him to have me" blah blah blah. Still A LOT for a Victorian writer Hardy! One of her more promiscuous friends I suppose basically suggests she do more than kiss him and entangle him into marrying her if he is a true man and marries someone instead of ditches them at those early signs. They do because she's a bit of a harlot, he is fooled and they're married. I may take this time to point out, you're told as a reader about the marriage in one sentence. Simple and sweet Hardy. 

But a couple of months in, he's spent pretty much anything he has earnt because he bought a n inn which he thought Arabella could run a little but she can't do shit. They buy and feed a what they can a pig to slaughter and sell but that is a horrific scene I never want to read again. I read it whilst at work and was asked whats wrong. Truly, Arabella tries to make him bleed out a pig and he has sympathy and doesn't do it the inhumane way. She's an absolute bitch. She explains to him that she is not knocked up, he's obviously shocked and she decided to randomly go back to her parents and move to Australia of all places.

As a side note, I believe their marriage will come back to haunt Jude. It nearly always does. As you see, its Victorian times and they don't actually divorce, they just pretend like the horrific marriage isn't real. 

----This is were I decided to sleep instead and read more today...----

He meets his cousin Sue Bridehead after a while and she declares that she's moving away. How great is this though, the reason she's having to move is because she bought some naked statues to hide in her room, demonstrating her "new woman" attitude. But her religious house keeper found out that they weren't saints, she destroys them. Jude clearly doesn't want her to leave, at this point Hardy even writes of how he is excessively attracted to her physically. SO he hunts down his old teacher/friend who is headmaster at the local school and asks if she could get a teaching position. As it turns out Sue has had experience in teaching. Coincidence? I think not. Today I read that the headmaster fellow is twenty years her senior and yet they seem to be getting close. Life is pretty shit for Jude...  

I will post this and read on because it is a great book and its only the first volume. There have been so many moments where I've stopped reading simply to reflect on the horrid circumstances Hardy drags his characters. He's St. Devil. My love for Hardy continues. The second cliffhanger from the last post will never be revealed. Ha! 

Good night x

please and thank you

I wish I knew how

One more day at work and my five days will be up! It's weird to think that I did more hours not only in the course of the week but during the day and yet can't handle it anymore. I am in Keep Calm & Carry On mode but 8 & 1/2 is now my limit, it used to be 11. Difficult differences when working in retail. The main reason for todays spontaneous post is because my best friend posted a video on YouTube that made me talk to myself a little more than usual because I related to it. Well done friend. So instead on keeping my reaction to myself or pretending that I will eventually do a video in reply, my method is replying via blog. So here goes, enjoy:

Costco Assistant Duties/My experiences with such duties

An assistant is required to pack for members when possible

Me: Good afternoon *makes quick eye contact and starts packing*

Member: Put that down there!

Me: *Stops packing and again makes eye contact* Please (delivered in deliberate tone)

Member: (Processing that staff can stand up for themselves) ...Please put that under there

Me: *Finishes packing*

Member: Thank you! Have a nice day! Thank you so much!

On another occasion:

One woman and two men are coming through the till

Me: *Starts packing*

Woman member: We're the women, we know how to pack and men don't. We're made for this kind of thing

Me: I don't agree with that *walks over and helps next member in line*

An assistant may be required to get a product from other areas of the store that the member forgot to get/did not realise was on offer

Costco is a large warehouse with various departments. The furthest from the tills is the bakery and produces bagels and muffins that are constantly on an offer of buy one get one free. So members do not realise and we have to power walk to get the desired product. This would be fine if it weren't for other members being in our way. Of course we don't mind dodging through their slow walks and dumped large trollies, they're leisurely taking their time shopping. Thats fine. But please do not stop someone who is in a rush so as to avoid a bitchy person who could complain "that took you a while" to ask some questions that if you really thought about it, you'd know what is best to do.

"When are you getting more in?" + "You can check at the till with a supervisor" 

= "Well thats not helpful"

"You used to do this product but I can't find it" + "We keep only a limit stock of certain products, but you can check at the till with a supervisor"

= "I haven't got time for that"

We haven't got time for your questions if our answers will never be enough. 

Just to make it clear: WE DO NOT HAVE A KNOWLEDGE OF EVERYTHING IN STORE! 

Its a big fucking warehouse of items that change position/quantity/price all the time. Its like living with dementia 

(please no one take offence).

An assistant may be required to help in other departments 

Do NOT send a vegetarian to serve meat.

These are only the main things that happen every day that could potentially lead to me getting removed because I simply won't stand for it. Ever. I understand members intentions occasionally, such as the welcoming "Excuse me, do you work here" because we don't wear uniforms, only giant name badges which admittedly some of us take off when around the store to avoid the above annoying idiots. This is a REALLY different kind of post for me on here however the video needed my response because it happens to anyone dealing with customers. Whats even worse is the only way to not be one of those people is to physically work against them, experiencing retail and not being one of those customers. 

However I have recently found two things to drift my mind into that instantly lightens my mood at work (I'll leave a cliffhanger on those for the next post) 

On that note, good night x